I think, therefore I blog

Polly Polly Bad Polly

By , 14 September 2015

Polly Polly Bad Polly
Polly Polly Bad Polly

We sat next to other, crammed onto the overflowing bench and talking quietly in our own little bubble. A couple of her friends got up from the bench and despite the now ample space, neither of us shifted to occupy it. We looked at each for a moment and shrugged. It was just too comfortable in our bubble.

"Come on Sam" I didn't even hear my friend Oleg, until Polina drew my attention to him.

"Your friend wants you to leave" She told me, with a hint of disappointment in her voice.

"Oh" I looked up, and Oleg nodded his head in the direction of the path. That's right - we were planning to take a look around the park before I became distracted. Polina and I sat there for a moment, artificially extending the moment we had created.

"Sorry" I told her, placing my hand gently on her thigh and forcing myself to get up from the bench. "Friends come before romance. You understand."

"Well if you HAVE to leave me." She pouted, adding in disbelief "To walk around the park..."

I shrugged and smiled at her wounded act before joining Oleg and Sasha to take a short stroll. It didn't take long before we were talking about the girls we had just met.

"I like her" I told Oleg.

"Polly?" He looked surprised. "Nah. I like the slim one in the blue dress."

"Blue dress?" I hadn't even noticed the other girls. We walked for a little in silence and my mind wandered to Polina.

"Oh man, I like artistic girls." She was the creative type. "You know, a bit hippie style"

Half an hour or so later when we had returned, Sasha and I stood at the bar waiting for some food we had ordered. Oleg and another friend came to drag us away.

"The girls invited us to join them at their table." There was a sense of urgency in their voices.

"I want a sandwich." I said blankly. Who cares about girls when you're hungry? I mean you can't flirt on an empty stomach.

"Please" Oleg's friend begged me in broken English. "Polina.. I am married.. please."

Something was going on but I wasn't exactly sure, so I just went along with them and joined the girls. Luckily my sandwich arrived not too long after.

Polina was fun, but it wasn't until I stole her phone that things started going downhill. Nude photos in your phone is one red flag, failing to mention your boyfriend is another, but failing to mention that he is coming to the bar later is really stretching your mileage.

We kept flirting for a while until she got up unexpectedly.

"I need to go to the bathroom." She told me in an very deliberate tone. She looked at me directly in the eyes and slid off the end of the couch disappearing into the crowds.

Oh shit. Seriously?

Now you want to have sex in the bathroom?

I sat there for a moment deciding what to do. I didn't want to have sex in the bathroom. It stinks and it is uncomfortable. I don't understand how people can do that. On the other hand I was curious... and, well I did actually need the bathroom.

So I dragged myself from the couch and headed towards the bathrooms. Sure enough Polina was there waiting. We made eye contact as she left the ladies (it seemed like the cubicles were all full) and followed Oleg's married friend into the gents. They both disappeared into an empty cubicle and locked it behind them.

So she did want sex in the bathroom, just not with me.

Thank goodness.

I was off the hook.

I strolled back through the crowds towards our table before I realised I had another problem. I still needed to pee. There were only two cubicles in the gents and I knew one of which was already occupied (why don't they have any urinals?) As weird as this was getting, I really needed to pee so I headed back to the gents to relieve myself.

Fortunately I didn't hear anything disturbing from the cubicle next to me.

I washed my hands and as I left, who should walk past me but Polina on her way back into the ladies bathroom.

"That was quick" I told her, sincerely surprised.

I went outside for some fresh air.

Did they have sex? If they did it can't have been very good.

Maybe just oral sex? But why? Is she a prostitute?

My sex hypothesis was a little weak (unless she has a thing for married men shorter than her). Confused, my mind drifted over the evening and I recalled her mentioning another of her vices.


It made more sense, and also explained why the guy disappeared from our table for a half an hour. But why would he give her free cocaine?

In the end I decided it doesn't matter much. Although it's disappointing when romance goes south I still prefer to accept reality. She was trying to capture me for her extra curricula activities just as I was starting to see through all her bullshit.

Oh well...


Polly Polly Bad Polly

About Roger Keays

Polly Polly Bad Polly

Roger Keays is an artist, an engineer, and a student of life. Since he left Australia in 2009, he has been living as a digital nomad in over 40 different countries around the world. Roger is addicted to surfing. His other interests are music, psychology, languages, and finding good food. Click here to subscribe to his weekly blog, or stalk him on Facebook and Twitter.

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