The Dating Scoreboard

By , 27 March 2011

The Dating Scoreboard

Good evening my conjelicious companions. How are we all? Ah... bon. Shall we get started then? Non, wait just one moment please... Today's topic is somewhat sensitive and gender specific, so I therefore must request that all female visitors stop reading immediately and go look for shoes on ebay instead. If you do not, you will probably hate me forever.


Now, gentlemen. Gentlemen, gentlemen, gentlemen. Let's cut to the chase. Why do we date? I know the answer, but I'm giving you a minute or two to think for yourself..... Yes! We date because we have no choice. Even when we are 'not dating', we are dating and even if we believe in fairly tales, karma and destiny, we go right ahead and play the dating game... badly.

The Dating Scoreboard

But don't worry. I'm here to help. Really, I care. Okay. I don't care, but I had a lot of fun making this dating scoreboard anyway. It's very simple to use. The first column is drivel, the second is nonsense and the third is largely a waste of space and only making this whole global warming thing worse. Nevertheless, I post it here in the hope that one day my work will be recognised by the leading psychologists of tomorrow.

Je vous presente... the Dating Scoreboard!

She will She is Your score
tell you that you're really nice not interested -100 points
flirt with you shrewd 0 points
let you buy her drinks 0 points
ask you for a lift to the airport 0 points
take your money 0 points
add you to her facebook interested 1 point
dance with you 5 points
chat to you 10 points
smile at you 15 points
ask "where have you been?" pretty keen 20 points
ask "how old you are, anyway?" 25 points
accidentally bump into you 30 points
look for you when the DJ plays bachata 35 points
go on a date 40 points
punch you 45 points
hold your hand already in love 50 points
message you 55 points
kiss you on the cheek 60 points
ask "why haven't you called me?" 65 points
hold you, kiss you, touch you 70 points
call you Baby infatuated 75 points
refuse to dance bachata with other guys 80 points
stop you dancing bachata with other girls 85 points
sleep with you 90 points
sleep with you again 95 points
want to marry you 100 points


Well, my friends, that is all the unsolicited advice I have to offer you today. I must say, it does feel good to know I have contributed to the Internet's vast collection of meaningless rhetoric and at the same time increased the global English lexicon by a total of one as-yet-undefined word.

Ah, isn't life fun?

About Roger Keays

The Dating Scoreboard

Roger Keays is an artist, an engineer, and a student of life. He has no fixed address and has left footprints on 40-something different countries around the world. Roger is addicted to surfing. His other interests are music, psychology, languages, the proper use of semicolons, and finding good food.

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Comment posted by: sandymong, 11 years ago


......don't call me baby!

Comment posted by: Min Wye, 11 years ago

Hilarious! According to your scoreboard, I have lots of friends but not many girls interested =( oh well