The Dating Scoreboard |
Good evening my conjelicious companions. How are we all? Ah... bon. Shall we get started then? Non, wait just one moment please... Today's topic is somewhat sensitive and gender specific, so I therefore must request that all female visitors stop reading immediately and go look for shoes on ebay instead. If you do not, you will probably hate me forever.
Thank-you.
Now, gentlemen. Gentlemen, gentlemen, gentlemen. Let's cut to the chase. Why do we date? I know the answer, but I'm giving you a minute or two to think for yourself..... Yes! We date because we have no choice. Even when we are 'not dating', we are dating and even if we believe in fairly tales, karma and destiny, we go right ahead and play the dating game... badly.
The Dating ScoreboardBut don't worry. I'm here to help. Really, I care. Okay. I don't care, but I had a lot of fun making this dating scoreboard anyway. It's very simple to use. The first column is drivel, the second is nonsense and the third is largely a waste of space and only making this whole global warming thing worse. Nevertheless, I post it here in the hope that one day my work will be recognised by the leading psychologists of tomorrow.
Je vous presente... the Dating Scoreboard!
| She will | She is | Your score |
|---|---|---|
| tell you that you're really nice | not interested | -100 points |
| flirt with you | shrewd | 0 points |
| let you buy her drinks | 0 points | |
| ask you for a lift to the airport | 0 points | |
| take your money | 0 points | |
| add you to her facebook | interested | 1 point |
| dance with you | 5 points | |
| chat to you | 10 points | |
| smile at you | 15 points | |
| ask "where have you been?" | pretty keen | 20 points |
| ask "how old you are, anyway?" | 25 points | |
| accidentally bump into you | 30 points | |
| look for you when the DJ plays bachata | 35 points | |
| go on a date | 40 points | |
| punch you | 45 points | |
| hold your hand | already in love | 50 points |
| message you | 55 points | |
| kiss you on the cheek | 60 points | |
| ask "why haven't you called me?" | 65 points | |
| hold you, kiss you, touch you | 70 points | |
| call you Baby | infatuated | 75 points |
| refuse to dance bachata with other guys | 80 points | |
| stop you dancing bachata with other girls | 85 points | |
| sleep with you | 90 points | |
| sleep with you again | 95 points | |
| want to marry you | 100 points |
Well, my friends, that is all the unsolicited advice I have to offer you today. I must say, it does feel good to know I have contributed to the Internet's vast collection of meaningless rhetoric and at the same time increased the global English lexicon by a total of one as-yet-undefined word.
Ah, isn't life fun?
About Roger Keays
 |
Roger Keays is an artist, an engineer, and a student of life. Since he left Australia in 2009, he has been living as a digital nomad in over 40 different countries around the world. Roger is addicted to surfing. His other interests are music, psychology, languages, and finding good food. |
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