Unwanted Sexual Attention
Every now and again curiosity motivates me to go onto women's blogs and forums to see what sorts of problems they have in the dating game. It's always quite interesting. This week I found a post on the TwoXChromosomes subreddit about creeps and online dating. The post is from a guy who set up a woman's profile on a dating site to see what it is like.
What he discovered is that guys are basically just, like, creepy.
Here is an abridged version of the original post (emphasis is mine):
Unwanted Sexual Attention
Before I could even fill out my profile at all, I already had a message in my inbox from a guy.
I thought I would check on it in about 24 hours. But before I could even close the tab another message was received. It was another guy who seemed nice asking how I was doing and I messaged him back staying as neutral and as uninterested as possible without being mean. I was about to leave again, but I was kind of curious now, so I waited another minute, and sure enough, a third message popped up. I messaged him back, but before I could send, I had gotten a reply from the first guy, so I had to do that, then a reply from the second guy. So fine, people are interested in going out with me.
Then I got another message that opened with a line that while not wholly vulgar, kind of came off a little strange. I ignored it and went back to send the message to person three now. Before I could send it, I got a followup message from Mr.4 which was needlessly sexual in nature. I continued to ignore him and finished. I then began to have some small-talk with some guys (remember this is like minute 20 of having the profile up) and all of the conversations kind of get weird. One of the guys becomes super aggressive saying he is competitive and he will treat me right, the other is asking for my phone number telling me he is lying in bed and the conversation (without me steering it) is turning increasingly sexual in nature though I tell him I'm not comfortable with it. Then I got the NoStringsAtttached messages, with multiple guys sending me messages asking me to watch them cam, or meeting up with them within the hour, or talk with them on the phone or cyber. I would say no and they usually didn't take it too well.
the nature of them continued to get more and more irritating. Guys were full-on spamming my inbox with multiple messages before I could reply to even one asking why I wasn't responding and what was wrong. Guys would become hostile when I told them I wasn't interested in NSA sex, or guys that had started normal and nice quickly turned the conversation into something explicitly sexual in nature. Seemingly nice dudes in quite esteemed careers asking to hook up in 24 hours and sending them naked pics of myself despite multiple times telling them that I didn't want to.
I would be lying if I said it didn't get to me. I thought it would be some fun thing, but I ended up deleting my profile at the end of 2 hours and kind of went about the rest of my night with a very bad taste in my mouth.
Reading this it's not hard to understand why women so often say "men are all the same" or "men think with the wrong head". It's like we hit on women as though they are men.
Here is how the women responded in the comments. There are some good insights into how women handle unwanted sexual attention:
Yep that sounds pretty normal. That's why women don't respond to men they aren't interested in or men that merely say "hi". Those you turn down get aggressive and argumentative over what you SHOULD do with them.
What OP and his inbox got were completely typical; this is how countless men act toward women. As women, we're accustomed to this kind of behavior. We all have things that we say to avoid further issue, looks and moves that we use in public to avoid/deflect attention.
Yeah, if you message a guy back to tell him no, the chances of you getting a "well you're just a stupid ugly bitch and I was going to slum it with you but whatever whore" message increase exponentially.
My new strategy is to attend more meetups (not dating related). That way it's still focused around meeting more people but you can gauge people in person better - and at worst have an interest or activity to fall back on if romantic endeavors don't pan out. :-p
I have hidden in the ladies room from coworkers before.
As an intern at a big company, I used to get hit on by clients during meeting breaks. Everyone, including my bosses and mentors, would see it and because our client is financial services giant, no one said or did a single thing. Being incredibly young and naive, I didn't know how to react and ended up skipping the breaks or spending them in the ladies room.
If you have ever been hit on by a guy (whether you are male or female) you will know what unwanted sexual attention feels like. Occassionally older women and drunk chicks will do the same thing, but not nearly as frequently as men. Most guys simply do not experience unwanted sexual attention and go through life thinking any sexual attention is absolutely fantastic.
It should be obvious if someone you are interested in is not receptive. Just accept it and keep mixing until you find someone who is. It's not a big deal.
Roger Keays is an artist, an engineer, and a student of life. Since he left Australia in 2009, he has been living as a digital nomad in over 40 different countries around the world. Roger is addicted to surfing. His other interests are music, psychology, languages, and finding good food.
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